Sunday, June 15, 2008
Should there be a different route...?
It's funny how life starts to play with you and how you think you have things figured out but its usually right about that time that you start seeing that you don't. I've been planning on moving to Kentucky for about 4 months now and my reasoning was because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Naples was not where I was suppose to be. "I don't have a life here" I would say or "All of my friends are in Kentucky". I'm not rethinking my decision to leave by any means but if you would have talked to me two or three months ago...I would have told you I absolutely hate this place and that there is nothing here to offer me. But recently it's like things have picked up and I am starting to enjoy myself more than I have in the past. Most of my friends are home for the summer so I know I can attribute most of it to that but its almost like somethings off sometimes and I shouldn't be as happy here as I've been...like its just not normal. Everyone around me has been full of absolutes...its either "You should move" or "You shouldn't you're not going to be happy". I feel like I'm the only person who can tell myself "I don't really know what you should do". I'm excited to move. I want to start a new chapter in my life and change my whole persona completely. I want to be who I have longed to be without wondering if I will feel uncomfortable in this new skin or if people will few me in a different light because I'm embracing a different side of me. What I mean by that is a more cultured side...a more intellectual side. No more mindless entertainment or cheap thrills (i've always wanted to say that) but, actually growing myself and digging deeper into who I really am. But with all that said and all the excitement that is growing in me...I still hate the fact that the temporary happiness I'm enjoying has been allowed to torment me in even the smallest way possible by making me feel an ounce of doubt.
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2 comments:
I think you should move somewhere you don't know anyone. Then you have the opportunity to reinvent yourself, climb out of any boxes (especially the ones you don't know about but exist in people who already know you's minds.) This also awards you a lot of time to concentrate and think and figure out what next step to take without so many voices pulling you in so many directions. Even if its temporary do something crazy like NY or Seattle, or Portland. Some place with culture built in so you don't have to hunt for it. You just breathe it in. Take advantage of this freedom you have. Get out there and see what you are made of.
I love Bethany's advice because I have a secret adventurous spirit deep inside...I loved moving and getting a fresh start here in Naples. Like she said you can reinvent yourself and no one will know the you of the past. I had made some pretty big mistakes before I left and to be able to move and forget about those mistakes was life-changing! I think the question you really need to ask yourself is Where does God want me? That's the only thing that REALLY matters...
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