The First Goodbye...

Tonight I said goodbye to the first two people I love. Nathan and Bethany Gaddis have been like a brother and sister to me. Over the past few years of our friendship I have grown to trust them with the most intimate details of my life, share in some of the happiest moments of my life and plummit together during the bad. Nathan has become my best friend and Bethany the same. She is the blunt big sister who puts me in my place and tells me when i'm wrong and he is the one person who can tell me im and idiot and I can accept it whole heartedly...well sometimes. As I walked out of their living room and down the steps to the door it was as if each step I took away from them gave way to more and more tears.

I looked back when I shut the door to the house and I saw Nathan looking back at me and it was then that I realized that he and his family have become my family. Jaxon, their 3 yr. old son, is one of the most amazing and intelligent kids I have ever been around. There are those kids that you're around that annoy you after about 15 minutes but Jax just has this way about him that no matter what he says or does you just want to say "Are you kidding me" (a quote that he will commonly repeat because it makes you laugh) and pick him up and hug him.

Jovie is their baby daughter and though she is still growing you can already see the personality and potential that she holds. Shes adorable and her chubby cheeks light up when she laughs and it just makes you want to do the same thing.

Lastly, I said goodbye to my grandparents. I can't begin to express the feeling that came with hugging my grandparents and telling them goodbye. I love them and they have been a pillar of strength in my life.

It was hard...theres not many other ways to describe it

Convictions...

I have been thinking a lot lately about the definition of conviction. I know that it is a topic discussed often within church circles but I think we forget sometimes that the word is more universal than just church members and christians. I was thinking about why we are convicted. Are we still in a point in this day and age where the Holy Spirit convicts us or are we just morally aware of good and evil?

Are the things that we have been taught which are good and evil what brings this feeling of guilt on us? When you wrong someone or curse someone out...do we feel guilt because it truly is wrong or because when we were younger our mothers and fathers, grandmother and grandfathers smacked us and told us they better never hear those words again? I wonder if the things we feel "convicted" about today are the same things they did 100 years ago or even 20 years ago.

I think we put so much emphasis on the feeling of conviction and what we "should" be convicted about and less on what is actually morally correct and incorrect. If I sit down and have a drink at home...why should I feel convicted about that? I'm not causing any of my brothers or sisters to stumble...im at home...alone...drinking in moderation.

Stop pushing the idea of conviction and what you feel convicted about upon everyone else. There are the clear cut morally wrong issues but everything else...just walk away and leave it up to the heart of the other.

The Top 500....

So Rolling Stone magazine released a list of the top 500 albums to own, period. So it is only natural that me as a musician and lover of music should own these 500 albums or however many of them I don't. This is my new goal and it is to be accomplished before July of next year. Hear is my request. If any of you who reads my blog have any of the cds from this list Top 500 Albums of All Time please let me know. I am trying to get them in any way possible other than illegal download. I think it would be a great story if I got a lot of them from people every where but I will continue my goal even if noone responds. I will update you each time I buy an album to cross off the list. Until then please help. You can contact me at top500albums@yahoo.com. It will go directly to my phone and I will respond immediately. Thank you to all who will be keeping an eye open! Wish me luck!

First Purchase - Led Zepplin - Led Zepplin

But I Still Love Technology...

All this talk about the iPhone and everything that goes along with it has got my head spinning. I'm only 21 and I feel like the old man who is trying to learn too much at one time. There are so many different things to be done and so little time to master them because another application or slick and savvy instrument comes right along behind it. But even though it has become an uphill battle I will continue to press on and try to defeat this enemy known as technology.

History repeating...

There are those nights where you could take everything back...where all you need is the second chance...reaching out for it...longing for it. Tonight is slowly becoming one of those nights for me. Maybe I deserve the things that have happened to me. Maybe I have brought each and every consequence upon myself. I just wish there was some way to at least figure that out.

I want to know if the time-line that is my life could have been side stepped or avoided in some way. I want to look past the whole idea of what I've gone through has shaped the man I am and really get to the heart of my past. Have I wronged so many people that in some way "karma" has found its way to my doorstep? I'd like to think that I've made just as many mistakes as the next person but it's hard to believe sometimes.

In no way am I saying that I lead a completely miserable life. All I am wanting to know is if I could have put some type of guard around my tongue and mind that could have prevented the outcome that I am now experiencing. I want to take it back...I would give anything to take it back. The problem is that I can't complain about what I am reaping because I've sown it.

One more lap...

As the time grows closer for me to climb the next mountain of moving my entire life to Kentucky I have been wondering what things lay ahead. I'm full of excitement at the thought that all this time my life had kick started when in all actuality this is what it needed, to separate myself from what i've known for so long and re-plant my roots somewhere else.

I wonder if the place im going to live in will feel like home. If it will have a feeling of comfort after a tough day or when that feeling like a wave with incredible force is coming down upon you. Will I meet people that will challenge me to become a different person and step out of the comfort of who I am. All these things I want and am hoping for...the question is will it all happen the way Im wanting.

On a side note...New York was incredible. After being there it makes me want to come home and alter the whole city of Naples into this quick paced, run across the street before you get hit, hop on the subway before the door closes kind of place. I loved every aspect of it, the dirtiness, the beauty, the people and even the hecklers. If you ever get the chance to go you would be crazy to turn it down.

By the way...Do you like comedy?

A Temporary New York State of Mind...

So here we are...almost two days down and I am already fearing Friday. When I walked off the plane and into the city I have to be honest...it was as if I was home as cheesy as it sounds. The night before I left I was more excited than I had been in a long time. I couldn't sleep. I was ready to get out of Naples, ready to see a different scene and just wanting to be in a city with culture and a nightlife.
Since I've been in the sitting I've found myself envying all of the people that ive here. I know that they aren't all living the great life or have lots of money but they are in a place with more variety and walks of life than maybe any other place in the world. Living in Naples and coming to a place like New York City you find yourself feeling like an ant in the Sahara. The weird thing about it is that it doesn't create a sense of fear but a sense of comfort. You know that with all those people there has to be someone who will accept you, someone who will want you and someone who will be there for you.
I love the fast-paced lifestyle and the fact that somehow with all the craziness everyone in the city just kind of meshes together and runs smoothly. I don't want to leave...