Too long...

It feels like forever since I've taken the time to sit down and blog, or maybe I just haven't had anything important enough to say. Lately I have been in awe of just who Christ is. I have been reading a book called "When I Don't Desire God" by John Piper and in the first chapter and a half, a huge weight dropped on my heart. How many times do we seek joy in the creation? How many times do we long to fill the void with something that the Lord has molded and put together when the only satisfying thing is Christ Himself?

I have a list of things I want...a list of things I feel like I need and when I got to Kentucky I felt like it was finally time to start checking those things off. I created an agenda and I was just hoping the Lord would go along with it. How egotistical and arrogant is that? The redeeming savior gives His mercy and grace bottomlessly and here I am wanting to force a square into a circle by telling God what I want.

When we seek joy in the Lord there is nothing more satisfying because two things are happening. We are delighting ourselves in Christ and finding true joy that exists only in loving and worshipping a true sinless Savior. More importantly we are glorifying God in finding joy in Him. When we find joy in christ it doesn't mean that we aren't getting those things we want but we are getting them not by our own power but because the Lord is blessing us even when He shouldn't.

In these blessings it may not include the things that we say we want...cars, relationships or money, but when our hearts are aligned with the heart of the Lord he changes the desires of our hearts to serve Him to the best of our ability and glorify Him with the blessings he has given us and only to glorify Him. Our God is good and deserves all glory, all honor and all praise.

The Past Few Days...

I can honestly say that I have gone through one of the most trying times in my life this past weekend. I made the move to Kentucky thinking that everything was in order and I would be able to move in to my apartment on friday and settle in for a couple days until I started my job. Well I was wrong and from friday on it has just been a whirlwind of problems.

When I showed up at the apartment that I was suppose to be living in with my roommates, it was a disaster and completely unacceptable as a place to live. The walls were yellowed and cracked, the appliances were old and the oven had a broken handle that had been duct taped back on. It was nowhere near what I was shown when I was here to visit and I had no choice but to pass on it.

One of my roommates and I started looking for a place to live immediately knowing that we didnt have a roof over our heads and hoping to find one that would be available. We went through place after place and three days later we found one. I have been living in this hotel and out of a suitcase for far too long and I am ready to be organized and have my life back in order.

After being thrown through the wringer by a few different complexes and almost neutering my dog just so I could get into a place asap we are finally hotel free and apartment bound. I hope that this will be someplace I can call home soon. I need it...

The Lord is good and has made provisions for me and has taught me patience through all of this. It is true that if the birds and animals are taken care of then why would He not take care of His children. Remember that even when the path is dimly lit and you may not be able to see in front of you there is a hand guiding you in the right direction even though it may not be clear until you've reached your destination.

The First Goodbye...

Tonight I said goodbye to the first two people I love. Nathan and Bethany Gaddis have been like a brother and sister to me. Over the past few years of our friendship I have grown to trust them with the most intimate details of my life, share in some of the happiest moments of my life and plummit together during the bad. Nathan has become my best friend and Bethany the same. She is the blunt big sister who puts me in my place and tells me when i'm wrong and he is the one person who can tell me im and idiot and I can accept it whole heartedly...well sometimes. As I walked out of their living room and down the steps to the door it was as if each step I took away from them gave way to more and more tears.

I looked back when I shut the door to the house and I saw Nathan looking back at me and it was then that I realized that he and his family have become my family. Jaxon, their 3 yr. old son, is one of the most amazing and intelligent kids I have ever been around. There are those kids that you're around that annoy you after about 15 minutes but Jax just has this way about him that no matter what he says or does you just want to say "Are you kidding me" (a quote that he will commonly repeat because it makes you laugh) and pick him up and hug him.

Jovie is their baby daughter and though she is still growing you can already see the personality and potential that she holds. Shes adorable and her chubby cheeks light up when she laughs and it just makes you want to do the same thing.

Lastly, I said goodbye to my grandparents. I can't begin to express the feeling that came with hugging my grandparents and telling them goodbye. I love them and they have been a pillar of strength in my life.

It was hard...theres not many other ways to describe it

Convictions...

I have been thinking a lot lately about the definition of conviction. I know that it is a topic discussed often within church circles but I think we forget sometimes that the word is more universal than just church members and christians. I was thinking about why we are convicted. Are we still in a point in this day and age where the Holy Spirit convicts us or are we just morally aware of good and evil?

Are the things that we have been taught which are good and evil what brings this feeling of guilt on us? When you wrong someone or curse someone out...do we feel guilt because it truly is wrong or because when we were younger our mothers and fathers, grandmother and grandfathers smacked us and told us they better never hear those words again? I wonder if the things we feel "convicted" about today are the same things they did 100 years ago or even 20 years ago.

I think we put so much emphasis on the feeling of conviction and what we "should" be convicted about and less on what is actually morally correct and incorrect. If I sit down and have a drink at home...why should I feel convicted about that? I'm not causing any of my brothers or sisters to stumble...im at home...alone...drinking in moderation.

Stop pushing the idea of conviction and what you feel convicted about upon everyone else. There are the clear cut morally wrong issues but everything else...just walk away and leave it up to the heart of the other.

The Top 500....

So Rolling Stone magazine released a list of the top 500 albums to own, period. So it is only natural that me as a musician and lover of music should own these 500 albums or however many of them I don't. This is my new goal and it is to be accomplished before July of next year. Hear is my request. If any of you who reads my blog have any of the cds from this list Top 500 Albums of All Time please let me know. I am trying to get them in any way possible other than illegal download. I think it would be a great story if I got a lot of them from people every where but I will continue my goal even if noone responds. I will update you each time I buy an album to cross off the list. Until then please help. You can contact me at top500albums@yahoo.com. It will go directly to my phone and I will respond immediately. Thank you to all who will be keeping an eye open! Wish me luck!

First Purchase - Led Zepplin - Led Zepplin

But I Still Love Technology...

All this talk about the iPhone and everything that goes along with it has got my head spinning. I'm only 21 and I feel like the old man who is trying to learn too much at one time. There are so many different things to be done and so little time to master them because another application or slick and savvy instrument comes right along behind it. But even though it has become an uphill battle I will continue to press on and try to defeat this enemy known as technology.

History repeating...

There are those nights where you could take everything back...where all you need is the second chance...reaching out for it...longing for it. Tonight is slowly becoming one of those nights for me. Maybe I deserve the things that have happened to me. Maybe I have brought each and every consequence upon myself. I just wish there was some way to at least figure that out.

I want to know if the time-line that is my life could have been side stepped or avoided in some way. I want to look past the whole idea of what I've gone through has shaped the man I am and really get to the heart of my past. Have I wronged so many people that in some way "karma" has found its way to my doorstep? I'd like to think that I've made just as many mistakes as the next person but it's hard to believe sometimes.

In no way am I saying that I lead a completely miserable life. All I am wanting to know is if I could have put some type of guard around my tongue and mind that could have prevented the outcome that I am now experiencing. I want to take it back...I would give anything to take it back. The problem is that I can't complain about what I am reaping because I've sown it.