Forgiveness is the ultimate high

I know that forgiving is not suppose to be so narcissistic but theres something about accepting an apology that makes you feel like your shoulders can move...your lungs can expand and your heart can begin pounding again. There are those people you long to forgive but you dont know how...your mind is frozen back when you were hurt and you hope to be moved but you keep standing in place. I want relief...

Hello miss lady...

I need to do some renovating. I need to change this thing around. I havent posted in awhile but I still feel like people are going to come by and be disappointed with the view. Just a quick update...im seeing someone....im happy...I think shes happy...or as happy as she can be...shes great. Life is going pretty well...Im searching for apartments today...time to move. Ive been thinking about my friends a lot lately, where theyve gone and where we grew to. I remember my first best friend, Andrew, and I wonder what hes doing right now. Anyway...ill keep you posted on the blog change. Good day

All songed out...

So its 3:30 in the morning and I have no idea...(thats concrete anyway) as to why Im still up. Ive been in this writing rut lately and it has been bothering me. I have so many ideas to write down...ideas of change and movement in the world but its all new to me...I have never stretched myself to write songs with these ideas at the center.

Give me a break up, tell me a sad story or kick me when I'm down and I can give you a 3 minute summation of whats going on...but put me in a world where our economy is in the toilet, children are forced to be slaves to the war in their own countries and aids and poverty have a death grip that wont let go and I feel defenseless.

I have the words...maybe its the music that isnt there. Maybe Ive finally run out of my musical knowledge and its time to refuel. So starting tonight (Tuesday January 20th 2009) at 12:00 midnight I am going to close myself off to part of the entertainment business. Im unplugging my tv, putting away the video game controllers and picking up a book and some headphones.

I want to dive into the world of creativity and listen to all those albums Ive wanted to be reacquainted with for so long. I have a few books ive started and want to finish. I need to tap into this side for awhile. Im not putting a time limit on it...just until I feel comfortable and wont be numbed to art, beautiful and actual art.

Feel free to give me ideas as to books to read and music to listen to. I want to experience as many things as I can...thanks.

I'm leaving on a jet plane....

Sitting in an airport has always had two sides to me. There has always been an excitment when heading somewhere and the depression when heading back. I can honestly say that has always been the case.

Today my mom and I spent the day together before I wound up here sitting at the airport and it just keeps getting harder leaving rather than being comforted by the fact that ill see her again soon. I saw everyone I care about and love and it is always hard knowing your walking away from a place you are unconditionally loved.

Theres a safety there and right now im having that feeling that I am not as safe as I once was. My comfort zone has been broken again and it only took a short while to rebuild. As I sit here typing this I have people all around me watching my against the tears and probably hoping ill break soon so they can be entertained by me falling into a proverbial hole.

Its not all its cut out to be...growing up...moving out...and moving on...

Home is where....?

One thing I've realized is that home is never the way you left it. It has nothing to do with the people that live there or the places that have been built up since you parted ways with your old stomping grounds but because of the change that has taken place with you. I came home for a short weekend trip to see my brother before he headed back to college and it was one of the best times being home that I remember in a long time.

I look back on the times I came home from school and would feel out of place and wondered what in the world I was still coming back for. This trip opened my eyes to see that it was all what had happened to me and not where I had left.

There was no depressing moment of feeling like I've missed out and not much of a "Hey I really miss living here" feeling. I see my family often so I don't really have a need to come back home but it was different this time...more enjoyable...making me more comfortable with the idea of returning here more often.

To put my weekend in the shortest post possible, Home is where the heart is because one thing that never changes is the love of family and all that goes along with them.

and the winner is....

So I've been thinking a lot about posting my thoughts on music and the business the way that I see it. I am not someone who is on the inside or do I see how everything really plays out but this is how I see it.

There are more one hit wonders in this day and age than there were in the 80's and that is saying a lot. Lets think about it honestly...where is the real talent. Do we really have more than 3 bands that have come out of the past 9 years that are going to last? Don't get me wrong...there have been some talented artists but they are all quite similar and they will all fade quickly.

The old adage goes "It doesn't matter what you know, it's who you know" and that has never been more clear until now. When Miley Cyrus is the top selling artist in the business right now...we have problems. I am not going to tear her down or knock her in any way other than say this, she does not have any musical ability. There I said it

If your attractive or rich or have the right connections...record your voice through a tin can and out comes solid gold? I think the answer is there needs to be a better filter. Instead of having 20 okay bands to sell 5,000 records each, have 5 that will sell 20,000 records each. We need to see talent...music is a gift not something that just comes to everyone with the right equipment.

So in closing, I think that every record company should sent out an apology to each of its buyers for convincing the fools that made the purchase that the music is quality. I think they should let go of all the no talent hacks and put people in the studio that make music their passion and not a cheap hobby to make money or be famous...there...I said that too.

Its been awhile...

Dont ask me why I take as long as I do to write my blogs or come back to them. I know there are very few people that read it but it is quite the release for me. Lately I've just been trying to get things in order and really find out what it is I want to do. I've had so many dreams and aspirations that I dont know which one to start with and if any are even attainable.

Ive wanted to be a musician, a writer, both but I keep coming back to the same lazy excuse. Im afraid to work towards something I may fail at. So instead of throwing inhibitions to the wind I freeze up and give up.

Whats going on in your life? Are there things your not doing because your afraid of putting in the work and not getting the outcome you want? Let me know...fill me in...